Accountability is a wellness practice. It is a way of monitoring if you are acting with the best information you have, in alignment with your integrity and responsibilities. By being accountable to others(work, partners, children, community) and to yourself, we challenge ourselves and each other to operate in our most skilled and ethical manner. If we fall short, we practice self-awareness, acknowledgement, harm assessment and reduction, and learning to prevent mistakes from happening in the future.
How do you practice accountability? How has that practice changed with you?
Accountability requires balance. It would be easy for most of us to slide into self-deprecation, likely from the systems and culture we operate in. A characteristic of white supremacy, and oppressive systems in general, is perfectionism1. We are supposed to be experts in our professions, in our passions, in all.the.things. We hold each other, even ourselves, to impossible standards and are punitive when dealing with mistakes. Instead of calling people in and taking a more restorative justice2 approach with a growth-based mindset to harms and accountability gaps, we exclude, dismiss, shame, shun, or perpetuate harm in some other way.
Not one of us is perfect though, and we are figuring things out at the rate we are able with the time and ability we have. So while we should be accountable to ourselves and each other, we should do so in a way that is reparative and does not perpetuate supremacist culture.
What would accountability practices look like that were more restorative and less punitive?
Accountability is a practice that I work with regularly and continue to figure out. To myself when a boundary was violated or I didn’t listen to my inner voice. To my children when I am not the parent they need. To my partners and friends when I don’t _______ (fill in the blank, so many things). And, what prompted this post, to the clients and community I serve.
Recently, at a group event I was facilitating, a challenging individual showed up. This person attended an event with me in the past and caused harm with promotion of violence. I allowed them to remain present at a second event, out of compassion and the willingness to see if they had changed…..but no, they glorified violence again. I kicked them out of our meeting, reported them to zoom, and followed up with the other event participants to see if they needed any care. I spent days feeling angry and violated that I allowed harm to happen in a group I serve.
What I realized later with the help of a mentor, the challenging individual is deeply disturbed, likely with a diagnosable mental health condition. While I protected the community in attendance, I failed this individual by not meeting with them one on one over zoom at the initiation of harm. While I offered group agreements at the beginning of the event, it is possibly (likely even) that this individual might not have been capable of consent to these agreements. I had assumed this person was attention-seeking, but in doing so, I was practicing ableism and imperfect group facilitation.
I allowed the person to drain my energy and shift my emotional state for days – an accountability loss to myself.
And here, still, I need balance – accountability by way of preventing harm and mitigating it when it shows up, but also the recognition that I cannot fully prevent harm – I am not that powerful, nor should I assume that level of perfection or power is expected of me. By being in shared spaces and offering community events, I am opening myself up to a variety of people with a variety of needs, traumas, triggers, backgrounds. I am vulnerable just by facilitating groups and those in attendance are vulnerable as well. Accountability isn’t about perfection, it is about this very vulnerability – knowing that there is a risk, but showing up anyway, while doing what we can to minimize challenges in groups and learning from our mistakes when they happen.
What are some other ways we can practice accountability in a community?
Besides working on our own understandings of social justice and systems of oppression (ex. white supremacy and perfectionism) and managing specific harms in groups, another way to be accountable in community is by utilizing practices of consent and helping craft a more consent-based culture. Consent is about so much more than sex and touch. It includes boundaries, communication, agreements, and how we use our time and energy. Consent is a way of being accountable to ourselves and each other, by understanding what expectations and needs are being addressed (or not). Our culture is not consent oriented, as many of us are well-aware.
How can you work to build more consent into your personal and community practices?3
Thanks for reading, community, and holding me accountable. Hope to see you in shared space soon. Be well.
Resources:
- https://www.whitesupremacyculture.info/characteristics.html and https://www.whitesupremacyculture.info/one-right-way.html Note that imposter syndrome is related to perfectionism and systems of oppression
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Restorative_justice
- Two of my favorite books on consent are: Creating Consent Culture https://bookshop.org/books/creating-consent-culture-a-handbook-for-educators/9781839971020?aid=14115&listref=sexuality-gender-health-wellness and The Art of Receiving and Giving https://bookshop.org/books/the-art-of-receiving-and-giving/9781643883083?aid=14115&listref=sexuality-gender-health-wellness
……………………………………………………………………………….
The above content is written by Dr. Allison Mitch, PT (DPT), RYT500; sex-positive/affirming, trauma-informed sexuality counselor and educator (she/her/they/them); copyright protected, please cite accordingly. The graphic is mine.
For more offerings that support well-being, please see: https://ignitewell-being.com/upcoming_events/ or my EventBrite page: https://www.eventbrite.com/o/allison-mitch-41024584863
For more information on my offerings or to work with me directly, please email [email protected] or schedule with me via Calendly https://calendly.com/ignitewellbeing-naperville
Please consider supporting me and my work on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ignitewellbeing