Talking to a Sx Counselor vs Talking to a Friend

Myth-busting Monday:  talking to a sex counselor is like talking to a friend.

 

 

This one depends, but largely – no, although I have heard this from community members, likely because the public needs more general education about what it is sexuality counselors actually do.1

 

 

Talking to friends is a valuable self and community care tool.  Friends offer forms of kinship and intimacy, of deeper knowing and being known.  Quality friends take the time to get to know each other and can call each other on their shit or offer insight into patterns, not too dissimilar from counselors or therapists. While a form of accessible care, friends are not the same as a professional (in this case, sex) counselor or therapist.

 

Here are a few of the differences between seeking help with a professional sexuality counselor verse seeking out help from friends:

 

  • Some folks are not able to talk to their friends about sex, because of the friends’ limitations or their own limitations – in their case, there’s no comparison then between friends and counselors if a person cannot be fully authentic or revelatory with friends.

 

  • Trained sexuality counselors and therapists, at least those that are pursuing or have achieved certification with AASECT2, have had anti-bias training, meaning a client can discuss topics related to sexuality without fear of the counselor becoming disgusted or shaming the client. Friends don’t necessarily have this bias self-awareness and ability to navigate shame skillfully.

 

  • Trained sexuality counselors are informed by research and cultural constructs of sexuality. Friends, however, often lack this training and have a more difficult time taking the evidence-informed, systems-view that many of sexuality counselors possess.

 

  • Trained sexuality professionals have a way of managing boundaries that get clouded with friendships. They are more objective and have less at stake personally in their professional relationship with their client than exists between friends.  These strengths, objectivity and boundaries, can give a professional greater freedom in assessing a situation and offering advice, whereas a friend might be limited. Even if a friend can call a person out on their shit in some arenas, in others, like sex, the risk might be too great and the friend defers to personal bias, silence, or comfort (which can be helpful in some ways too).

 

 

Peer-support and care seeking from friends is an important and accessible modality of well-being – lived experiences (verses professional understanding) are shared and intimacy is created.  But these are substantively different from seeking the services of a trained counselor (and for the purposes of this piece, a sexuality counselor).

 

 

I wish you luck, community, in finding accessible care that works for your current needs.  Should you wish to pursue formal sexuality counseling, see links at the end of this piece for more information on how to contact me as well as scheduling with me.

 

Additional Resources:

  1. For more information on sexuality counseling, see https://ignitewell-being.com/what-is-sexuality-counseling/
  2. AASECT is a national certifying organization for sexuality educators, counselors, and therapists. One does not need to be certified by AASECT to practice in these professional fields; however, some find it helpful to have a standardized educational and certification criterion for seeking out professional assistance.    I am currently in the process of meeting AASECT requirements.  For more information on the organization, see https://www.aasect.org/

 

 

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The above content was created by Dr. Allison Mitch, PT (DPT), RYT500, CHEK practitioner/personal trainer; sex-positive, trauma-informed sexuality counselor and educator (she/her/they/them); copyright protected, please cite accordingly.  The picture is from Pexels.

 

For more offerings that support sexual well-being, please see: https://www.eventbrite.com/o/allison-mitch-41024584863

 

For more information on my offerings or to work with me directly, please email ignitewellbeing.naperville@gmail.com

 

To schedule with me, please see Calendly: https://calendly.com/ignitewellbeing-naperville

 

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