Masturbation May

Myth-busting Monday:  There is a whole month devoted to masturbation

 

True!!  It is Masturbation May, which began in 1995 with the well-known sex toy shop Good Vibrations1, after the forced resignation of the then US Surgeon General, Dr. Jocelyn Elders.  Elders suggested we, as a country, should teach children about masturbation during their sexuality education as an infection prevention strategy2.  Of course, the political climate of the time could not handle such salaciousness, so she was forced to resign by then President Bill Clinton.

 

Besides political organizations finding masturbation taboo, medicine struggled with it too.  It wasn’t long ago that the medical community thought masturbation was pathological and had health consequences (and this was part of the reason practices like clitorectomies and routine infant circumcision were promoted)3,4.

 

Sex is inherently a social activity5, even masturbation, done in solitude.  Society very much impacts our sexuality, and solo sexual experiences operate in a social/cultural context.  For instance:

  • What does masturbation mean in our culture?
    • We inherited our history of pathologizing this practice, and that history is still a part of our lived experience. Our culture views solo sex experiences as less than partnered sex experiences.  This is a domination-based mindset and a way to create unnecessary and harmful hierarchies.  New ways of discussing and examining the multidimensionality of sexuality specifically discuss masturbation.  The Sexual Configurations Theory, which I have discussed in other writing, is an excellent example of a more progressive model of sexuality.
  • Is it talked about in our culture?
    • No and silence can lead to shame. But discussing it with folks that are not consenting to that discussion or have not examined their own internalized struggles around masturbation can also perpetuate shame.
  • Are we educated about masturbation in our culture?
    • Not formally, though perhaps by peers. This why sex educators like the late Betty Dodson of Solo Sex  (check out videos of her on youtube or read her books) and resources OMGyes (https://www.omgyes.com/ ) are so critical.  They intentionally educate adults around this ignored topic.
    • Other sexual health professionals like Dr. Laurie Mintz of Becoming Cliterate suggest that the orgasm gap experienced by those with vulvas in part could be related to the lack of masturbation and limited understanding and emphasis of the pleasure potential of the clitoris. People with vulvas are much more likely to orgasm in solo experiences than they are when they partner with someone with a penis. Could that play a role in why masturbation is stigmatized? The patriarchy, the challenge of the vulva-centric orgasm, and the threat that penis-having partners might be expected to feel? (According to Mintz, male-identified/penis-having partners are not often threatened by their partner’s self-pleasure.  If your partner is, perhaps it is time to reconsider the partnership)
  • Is it stigmatized in our culture?
    • Yes, that silence and shame create a toxic environment of taboo and stigma. And the stigma of masturbation still exists in many spaces, perhaps more implicit now than explicit, which is why this month’s focus is important.  The intent of devoting a month discussing, even promoting, masturbation is to end that stigma.

Solo sex then is a social experience as it is entwined with social meaning (here silence, shame, dismissal, etc), and it is on all of us to examine our internalized norms and biases around masturbation if we are to avoid passing on these limiting beliefs and attitudes to future generations (another example of how sexuality education is a form of intergenerational justice, as I have written about elsewhere).

 

To start changing the story, we need something to replace the old story with.  What we do know is that:

  • masturbation is a “normal”6;
  • masturbation occurs throughout a lifespan, starting as early as in the womb. Children may explore their bodies and in doing so can develop a sense of trust and safety in their body as well as an understanding of their body’s capacity for pleasure.
  • that it has health benefits7, including reducing stress and enhancing pelvic floor strength;
  • that it can build confidence in understanding how your body works, particularly for people with vulvas that might have some culturally induced body shame8;
  • that it translates for shared pleasure potential with a partner/s (the more a person with a vulva has solo orgasms, the more likely they are to orgasm with a partner AND the more sex they will want with a partner – win win)8;
  • as an embodied human, you are worthy of pleasure, including body-based pleasure, if you desire it

 

I hope this article offered up new insights and information for you.  Happy May and happy self-exploration!

 

Questions for the reader for self-reflection and learning:

  1. How did you learn to masturbate?
  2. What are is your emotional experience like around masturbation? Does it include shame or have you been able to let that sh*t go?
  3. What cultural influences have you internalized around masturbation?
  4. If you have had partnered experiences, have you discussed or even experienced masturbation with them? What was that like?
  5. If you self-pleasure, do you have a specific routine? If so, have you tried changing things – areas of the body, sensual experiences (like in the bath tub), new toys, new positions?  No pressure to try anything new, but sometimes novelty can teach us something about ourselves.

 

Resources

  1. https://www.ravishly.com/2014/05/16/may-masturbation-month
    1. Link to Good Vibrations: https://www.goodvibes.com/s
  2. https://www.bmj.com/content/309/6969/1604.1
  3. https://journalofethics.ama-assn.org/article/sexual-sunday-school-dsm-and-gatekeeping-morality/2014-11
  4. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_masturbation
  5. See Hanne Blank’s book Straight – they do a great write up around the culture’s doxa and how that impacts sexuality.
    1. Doxa: https://www.thoughtco.com/doxa-rhetoric-term-1690480#:~:text=In%20classical%20rhetoric%2C%20the%20Greek,prejudice%2C%20middle%2Dclass%20consensus.
  6. I hate the word normal, because it is limiting. However, I know ideas around normalcy are important to many folks…..yes, masturbation is normal, in the sense that it is practiced by many people across their lifetimes.
  7. https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/masturbation
  8. See Becoming Cliterate by Dr. Laurie Mintz

Also consider attending one of my sexuality counseling or education offerings, including our Savor book club, pleasure café, and SEX positive parenting group. Links for these events are at the end of this article.

 

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The above content is written by Dr. Allison Mitch, PT (DPT), RYT500, shamanic practitioner; sex-positive/affirming, trauma-informed sexuality counselor and educator (she/her/they/them); copyright protected, please cite accordingly.  The picture is from Pexels.

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