Myth-busting Monday: your sexuality counselor’s identity/s needs to match your identity/s
False, but please read the entire piece.
I had a client recently ask my orientation (they are straight and cis; I am not) as a way to determine if I would be the best counselor for them. While I appreciate their concern, what is left out of that question explicitly is a professional’s ability to work across diversity.
Part of my sexuality training involved anti-bias, inclusivity training. These components of training are necessary for all, but perhaps more for professionals with majority/privileged identity. As a queer identifying person, I’m aware of cis/het culture and dynamics. I have to be, being that cultural awareness and/or assimilation are survival mechanisms. This is an example of standpoint theory – that those on the margins are more aware of norms/dynamics/assimilation strategies of the majority/master narrative/culture than not. Marginalized folks have to be in part to develop identity and validate their own lived experiences in a culture that denies them/us credibility. What does that mean?, that I can probably speak to heterosexual dynamics better than those clients and some heterosexual counselors.
In case it is important or needs stating, I am in a heterosexual presenting relationship/s too so my life mirrors culture in many ways.
For folks with marginalized/not privileged identities, it is often necessary to find professionals with similar identities, depending on your specific needs. For instance, my therapist is a trans man – he can speak to my lived experience better than a cis/het male therapist could. Seeking out marginalized professionals is a way to increase demand for those working in that field, and their lived experience can help affirm that of the client’s, in a culture that, again, denies credibility to “other”/”alternative” (read: marginalized) experience.
My advice to clients is to shop around. They/you are consumers of a product, in this case, sexuality counseling. I will not be the counselor for everyone, nor do I want to be (I am tired, y’all). Clients have a right to seek out a counselor with shared identities; however, ask what might be learned from those that are under represented/marginalized. Also consider what identities are important verses not. Do you need a counselor that matches your race, class, ability, body size, looks, religion, their primary language, if they have kids, if they are married, relationship style, orientation, AND gender? If so, why?, and how might that limit you or help you? If you expect your professional to mirror you, how might that be contributing to maintaining systems of oppression or not, bias or not, respectability politics or not?
Therapists, counselors, and clinicians also do not owe their clients any disclosure. Would disclosing their disability status close or open doors? It is up to individual professionals to share their status. For me, because I occupy shared identity with many of my clients, that helps those folks feel safer or more comfortable with me, so I often share rather than not. If you are a helping professional, do you share your identities and intersections with clients?
Thanks for reading, community. Wishing you luck in finding professionals that can best help you.
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The above content is written by Dr. Al (Allison) Mitch (They/She), PT (DPT), RYT500; sex-positive/affirming, trauma-informed, certified sexuality counselor and educator; copyright protected, please cite accordingly.
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