Myth-busting Monday: ORE

Myth-busting Monday: many people have heard of NRE, but did you know there’s ORE?

NRE, or new relationship energy, captures the public and personal attention. Speculated to be a result of heady biochemistry, this period is also called limerence. It lasts for weeks to about 18 months (varying across people and relationships). It’s intoxicating and sexy, novel and insecure, full of curiosity and erotic fuel. It’s also easy – as long as there’s chemistry, NRE happens. Some people love this feeling, others not so much. And, often to the surprise, even disappointment, of those involved, this energy fades. I’ve heard therapists mention how it might be a good thing for NRE to dampen – it can be all-consuming, which makes the minutia of life (bills, grocery shopping, doctor appointments, work projects) easy to ignore. This dismissal of minutia can create its own challenges.

There is another type of relationship energy our culture often fails to appreciate: ORE – old relationship energy. This is the sense of familiarity (knowing and being known), comfort, stability, and security found in a long/term relationship (whatever that means, defined by the people asked). And this energy can be equally delicious if a little less intoxicating. For some, having a long-term relationship/s allows the people in it to go deeper than perhaps they could in an NRE infused situation. But it takes commitment to the relationship to do the work to cultivate and grow the relationship to ensure ORE.

Personally, I love ORE. I appreciate the (false¹) security of these relationships and have a much easier time unfurling fully as a person to my partner/s over an extended period of time, after trust and intimacy have been established and nurtured.

NRE vs ORE can be a false binary. Relationship with the same person can have both elements. In fact, some sexuality counselors and therapists recommend that to maintain or re-ignite eroticism in a relationship, people should remain curious about their partner (how much can we really know about our people?), try new things together (that element of excitement can feel like NRE), and try to limit our own projections and what we think we know about our partners onto our partners (ie curb assumptions).

Have you noticed NRE if you’ve experienced it? ORE?
Do you have a preference?
Do you experience these as distinct entities or as both/and elements in a relationship?
How do you maintain curiosity about your partner/s?

Thanks for reading and busting myths – besides NRE, there is another type of relationship energy that is worth acknowledging and possibly cultivating, depending on your needs.

Interested in learning more about relationship health, sexuality counseling, relationship diversity, etc? Feel free to reach out to me – I do see private clients for these concerns.